My Protector, My Soul Mate, My Life
by Baby-M-xo
Summary: The girl staring back at me in the mirror was awful. She was gaunt looking, her veins and cheekbones were visible underneath the thin layer of skin that covered them and her clothes all looked to big for her. She wasn't me. Please read and review! :D x


**My Protector, My Soul Mate, My Life.**

**An: ** Just a new one-shot I came up with, please Rate and Review - it makes me feel all happy knowing that people like my stories. If you read and review this one-shot feel free to take a look at my profile and read my other stories. :D x

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight, I wish I did but all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer - although I do own the Twilight Books (1-4) and the Twilight movie companion. :D x

**Shoutout:** This story is dedicated to my writing sister _**music is happiness**_, Keep on smiling and don't worry too much! you'll get frown lines and look old. Lol. :D x

**My Protector, My Soul Mate, My Life.**

Alice Cullen - Happy, Enthusiastic, Energizer Bunny but only worse. This was how people used to describe the small, dark haired, pixie like girl. Now Alice Cullen was depressed, dead looking, and broken hearted. The pixie like girl that everyone knew and loved had gone, she was never happy anymore and she was constantly in pain. Her life didn't matter to her anymore - she just wanted the pain to end, it wasn't worth it anymore. The only reason she kept on going everyday was for the sake of her family and friends - they were the ones that mattered now.

_**Alice POV**_

It hurts so much. The only way I can describe it is an empty feeling inside me - all the time. It never leaves me. He promised that he would be here - FOREVER. He never broke his promises, he ALWAYS kept them - no matter how little they were. Everyone always said we'd be together forever - we were the perfect match. Me being the hyper one and him being the calm one. Forever seems such a long and empty word no - it holds no meaning for me anymore. The apartment was so vacant now that it was just little old me, it has no life to it anymore. The spacious living room was where I spent all my time now. Sitting on the cream sofa with the curtains constantly shut, staring at the wall that held the large photo of me, him and our closest friends. The photo had been taken last summer, on the beach near where we live. His arms were wrapped securely round my waist - like he was protecting me from everything bad that was in the world. Edward had Bella on his back and Emmett was holding Rosalie bridal style - everyone had big smiles plastered on their faces. That was no longer the case. My protector, my soul mate, my life, and my best friend all in one was now gone. It was a fact that I still hadn't gotten over. If it wasn't for the fact that my family and friends were the ones that kept me going everyday I would have attempted to be with him a long time ago. I just curl myself up into a ball and lie on the couch. According to clock in the living room it's 3am. I just couldn't bring myself to sleep - I kept thinking this was some horrible nightmare and I would wake up any second to find him lying next to me sleeping soundly.

Okay I think I may be going mad now, I finally fell asleep only for 3 hours and I swear I can hear a key trying to open my door to the apartment. I have no way of defending myself if it is an intruder - to be honest I couldn't care. They could take everything they wanted, none of the material possessions mattered to me. The bright lights from outside flooded into the living room and through the door entered the people that mattered to me - My family.

"Alice? Are you in here?" asked the quiet voice that belonged to Bella Swan.

"Maybe she's asleep?" suggested Emmett

"I don't think so, I know my sister well enough to know that she won't sleep when she's suffering," said my brother Edward.

He was right - I never slept when I was in pain, and I was thankful that my brother knew that about me. He was always there for me when I needed him and right now when I needed to be comforted more than ever he knew he wasn't the right person to do it.

"Oh my gosh! My poor little girl, look at her!" exclaimed Esme, she hadn't seen me for a long time and I knew that this wasn't the way she remembered me before. I had always been so full of life, so happy that if anyone was upset as soon as I appeared they would be happy again - it was like I was a contagious virus that everyone caught.

"Mom?" I managed to say in a quiet, feeble voice.

"I'm here angel, I'm here." She said as she came over a sat me on her lap. That was when the tears started.

"It hurts so much mom, I constantly feel empty - I just want it to end," I sobbed into her shoulder.

"I know, I know, it will go away eventually," She said.

"How do you know? What if I feel like this for the rest of my life?" my sobs were getting louder and I was clinging onto my mom for dear life. I noticed that my family were no longer by the front door; they were all sitting in the living room with me and Esme. Edward and Emmett were comforting Bella and Rosalie who had started crying and Carlisle looked like he was going to cry as well. I hated seeing my dad in pain especially when I was the one causing it.

"Alice, do you remember when your father and I told you were going to have another brother or sister?"

Of course I remembered. I remembered being so excited thinking I was going to get a little sister who I could dress up and we could dance together and do everything that sisters were suppose to do together.

"Yes," I whispered

"Remember the day I told you I had a miscarriage and we lost the baby, do you remember how upset I was?" She asked.

"Yes, and Dad said that over time the pain would go away and that you had to focus on the children you had now because they'll always need you no matter what," I said

"So I do know the pain will go away, it could take years but it will fade," She replied.

"Alice would you like something to eat?" asked my dad. I hadn't eaten in 2 weeks; I just couldn't stomach the thought of eating.

"No thanks dad, I'm not really hungry," I mumbled.

"Alice, please, go and take a look at yourself in the mirror," said Rosalie who had finally stopped crying.

I listened to Rosalie - she was like an older sister to me and I had always listened to her and there was no reason to stop now. So I dragged myself off my mothers lap and across to mirror that we had in the room. The girl I saw staring back at me gave me a shock. She was gaunt looking - her cheekbones and veins were visible underneath the thin sheet of skin that covered them. Her eyes were a lifeless colour of brown; they held no happiness in them anymore. The clothes she was wearing were far too big for her ; the cardigan looked as if it was 3 sizes to big for her, the sweatpants were falling off of her and her t-shirt was so baggy it looked as if it belonged to someone else. I couldn't take it anymore - I ran to the bedroom for the first time in 3 weeks and threw myself onto the bed. I curled up into a ball and cried.

"_Alice, babe, what are you doing to yourself?" a soft voice asked_

"**Jasper? Is that you?" I asked**

"_Yes, it is me," he chuckled_

"**Oh my gosh! I thought you were gone," I sobbed as I threw myself at him.**

"_Alice, I'll never leave you. I'm always with you wherever I go," said Jasper._

"**I can't take the pain anymore Jazz, it hurts too much," I told him, I was being completely honest with him.**

"_I know Ali, I've been watching over you and I don't like what I'm seeing," He said as he looked me deep in the eyes. "You can't keep yourself like this anymore babe, it's hurting the people who love you and most of all it's hurting me. I don't like seeing you this unhappy, this skinny and this lifeless. It's like you're destroying yourself bit by bit," he carried on._

"**Jasper, you have no idea the amount of times I've thought about ending the pain just so I can be with you forever," I said as I tightened my grip on his shirt.**

"_Ali don't please, where I am you aren't meant to be. I guess it was just my time to go and you aren't meant to be here for a while. Like I always say everything happens for a reason," He looked like he was going to cry when he said this._

"**I want to be with you - FOREVER, we can't be together if we're separated," I said**

"_We'll always be together - FOREVER, I'll always be with you wherever I go. See this ring - it's a promise I made to you and I intend to keep it whether I'm alive or dead,"_

"**It's our bond to each other, I'll always**** remember the day we gave our promise rings to each other, it was such a picture perfect moment," I sighed**

"_It was perfect, __the sunset, the beach, just everything. But it was the day that I promised myself to the one girl who mattered to me the most, Ali sweetheart, can you promise me something?" he asked_

"**I promise Jasper," I said**

"_I want you to find happiness again, In some way or another I need to look down on you and know that you're happy cause I don't like watching you suffer ; I also have a box in the back of our closet with a load of journals, memories and other stuff in it - I want you to have them so you'll always know I'm with you. I also want you to go out - you can't stay inside you'll end up looking like a vampire," he joked_

"**I don't think I'll be able to find happiness again Jazz, I need you now and forever. You're like a drug I'm addicted too and without it I'm not going to survive. Also, I promise I'll keep the journals and everything, they were yours and are too precious to throw out," I sobbed, I knew where this conversation going…**

"_I NEED you to try and find happiness again babe, please - just for me," he begged as the tears formed in his crystal blue eyes._

**I sighed, "Okay Jazz, I promise to try and find happiness again - just for you."**

"_Thank you Ali, Thank you for all the precious moments and memories you've given me over the time we've been together. These memories and locked away in my heart forever - I'll never forget you Alice so you don't need __to worry about that - You're the only person who has ever owned the key to my heart. I don't want to see you up here too soon but when the time comes that we meet someday I promise you there will be a seat next to me with your name on it waiting for you - you are my life forever and always, my life, my soul mate, my best friend, the reason for me existence. I love you until the end Alice Cullen." Jasper said, and with that he was gone._

I woke up with a tear stained face and my breathing was uneven. I couldn't comprehend what had just happened - had I just spoke to my dead boyfriend? Had that actually been real? Of course it was - spirits do exist. Well at least I like to think they do. I had to listen to Jasper. Even if he wasn't here anymore I had promised to find happiness and I was determined I would - I didn't want to cause Jasper pain anymore and like he said he'd always be with me. I had to get out of my depression phase - it wasn't helping my family and it certainly wasn't helping me. I'd been grieving for 3 weeks, sure it wasn't enough time to get over the fact that my boyfriend had just died but if I didn't change now I would never change …

I quietly tip-toed out of the bedroom and quickly entered the bathroom. I turned on the steaming hot shower and stepped into it. This was first step to becoming Alice again and not the person that had taken over my body the past 3 weeks. It felt so good to get washed again - I no longer felt unhygienic and my hair was no clean and shiny again. I stepped out the shower grabbed a towel and quietly snuck back to the bedroom to get changed. I threw on a clean pair of sweat pants, a vest top and a sweater. I took a quick look at my appearance in the mirror, satisfied with how I looked I walked into the living room to where my family were still sitting.

"Hey everyone," I said and I smiled.

"Alice? Are you okay?" Edward asked, he was clearly worried by the way I was acting.

"I am fine thank you very much, is anyone hungry?" I asked

"I am!" shouted Emmett

"Should've know you'd be hungry Em, how about we order pizza?" I asked, still continuing with a smile on my face.

I got up from the couch and made my way gracefully over to the phone and dialled the number for the pizza place down the street. Not eating for 3 weeks certainly made me hungry - I basically ate most of the food that we ordered. Everyone was watching me as I finished my last slice of the pizza.

"Wasn't that delicious?" I asked once I'd taken my last bite.

"Eh… yes, it was lovely," said Bella who was still confused.

"Alice? Please tell us, what has suddenly changed your mood?" asked Edward

I suppose I really should tell them, I mean they are my family after all…

"I saw Jasper, he spoke to me," I told them

"Alice, Jasper's gone. How could you see him?" asked Carlisle

Time for the whole story I think…

"Well, I fell asleep earlier and I had a dream. It was like Jasper was contacting me through my dreams, he told me that he was upset by how I was acting and that it was hurting him and all of you's watching me in pain. He told me that it was his time to go and I wasn't meant to be up there with him for awhile. I promised him that I'd find happiness again and he promised he'd be with me wherever I went. He said that when it was eventually my time to go there would be a seat up there next to him waiting for me." I told them.

"Alice, I'm glad that you've finally seen sense, Jasper was my brother and he wouldn't have wanted to see you like that, I'm glad he made you see sense," said Rosalie as she came over and hugged me.

"Alice, we've missed you for so long - it was horrible having to watch you suffer. I know 3 weeks isn't a long time to grieve and of course the pain will go away at some point but remember Jasper will always be with us all, in our hearts," said Bella as she joined in the hug with me and Rose.

It felt nice to be hugged by my 3 best friends again. I guess I had cut off most communication when I found out that Jasper was dead. It felt good to be surrounded by my family again - of course it wasn't complete but it would do because at the end of the day my family were the one's I was living for now and Jasper - my soul mate. I would attempt to find happiness again, no man could replace Jasper but who said I had to find another man I could find happiness in other ways too. It was 9.00pm before my family left and I decided to have an early night. I turned all the lights out in the living room and entered the bedroom. I changed out of my sweats and made an attempt at finding clean pyjamas but as I was looking for them something caught my eye. In the corner of the room was a t-shirt that belonged to Jasper. It was just a plain black t-shirt but it was his favourite shirt. I picked it up and put it on. It still smelt of him, a smell that couldn't be achieved by cologne - it smelt like him, sweet and enchanting. I walked back to the closet and found the box Jasper had mentioned - the one filled with memories and photos and journals. I picked up the first journal and started reading …

**Okay I've decided not to tell you how Jasper died; I'm leaving up to everyone who reads it to decide how he died. Please review and when you review tell me how you think Jasper died - I like to hear what other people think. I promise I will be returning to FF soon but I'm busy revising for exams the now. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed one of my stories, please also check out my other Twilight story and review on that. Also at some point my Christmas story will be finished - I need ideas on how they should get together because I'm having writers block. If you haven't read it - check it out! Love much. :-) x**


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